I ponder allot about life.
What else is new right?
Once again In this particular instance, the life I’m pondering about is my own.
I want to dig deep and see what profound mysteries we can find.
I know many of my blogs are focused on introspection, usually on the spiritual or deeply psychological level.
But this time I want to stay more grounded aka “down to earth” one might say, and not just internal but external too.
Lets see..
The last 365 days and beyond have been very difficult, but very enlightening for me.
I have lost family and friends this year, one of those being death related. (RIP Auntie..)
But despite all that, I feel like I have grown so much more mentally. I can feel it so clearly.. And people even tell me that I act differently.
Thats how I can tell I am changing.
And It feels so good.
I have long contemplated my blogging, writings, and related ventures through out the year.
I have been so damn committed to these blogs, it’s what I believe it is my one true greatest calling.
I truly believed this is my one true talent.
To be a great writer.
…
But…
Was that all?
I was so sure of myself, that I knew what I was meant to be..
But did I really?
I never stopped to imagine that I could be more..
So much more.
Maybe I was limiting myself. Putting myself in a box… When there are dozens of other avenues to explore!
Yes I do consider myself at least a decently good writer..
Maybe I’m ALSO a great photographer, video maker, streamer, artist, gamer, or the world’s GREATEST damn basket weaver!
God knows what else!
I don’t know, because I haven’t tried them all yet.
It’s about time for me to expand.
To dip my fingers in all the vast faucets of this world’s possibilities.
These times are ripe for transformation, and I have been all about that lately. (See past blogs)
I have pondered all of my life’s choices this past year, and I have stayed far too long in mildly comfortable safe places.
But to ascend to higher levels and reach far greater success, I would need to dip my fingers into other fields..
So that I can eventually be in a VERY comfortable place, a place thats feels good and pleasurable.
A place that feels..
Like my true potential is free.
…
You see..
One might say that I am a sinner.
That I’m guilty of the sin of envy.
I see others have all the vast wonders of the world, that they get to experience infinitely more than I do.
These people.. I had no idea how they did it, but they did it. They won the lottery of life..
It’s a feeling that’s plagued me for decades, why can I not have what they have too? What are they doing that I am not?
It was as if they had all 100 pieces to the puzzle.
And I only had 99.. Thus being doomed to never complete the puzzle and achieve that ascension.
It always felt like something was missing.. That damn missing piece, its whats kept me from being truly whole and complete.
What am I missing?
What was I missing within me?
I asked myself that endlessly..
INFINITELY.
At least I was never filled with hate(now a days at least) about it or wished I could take it from them, or wished they would lose what they have. I was never petty or vindictive about it.
I just wanted a taste of that pie too.
Just a little taste..
Thats all.
The feeling was maddening and tortuous.
I was in Hell, staring at Heaven..
But perhaps part of it was my thinking thats been holding me back.
You know what else?
I have played it safe my entire life.
I always looked after others feeling, so much so.
That I put my own feelings… A far back second place.
I denied myself my true nature. Who I really was..
To appease others… When the only one I needed to appease was myself.
I always had to be the bigger person.
Because everyone else refused to.
They wanted to be “petty” instead.
What a naive fool I was..
I have learned the hard way… I have to be willing to lose anything and anyone.
ANYONE.
If thats what it takes..
So that I don’t lose myself… Again.
Besides they never have a problem losing me.. Or should I say kicking me to the curb.
Because here’s the kicker!
I have been let down by so many.
Many of the people in my life have betrayed me in one way or another.
People I cared so much about.. Turned their backs on me. For either the smallest slight or no real reason at all.
I could never really depend on most of those around me.
Sometimes…
I felt like everyone’s abandoned me.
Even myself.
Tell me…
Do you know what I have lost?
What was taken from me?
I can’t even begin to count how many times I have asked…
Why?
WHY?
WHY GODDAMNIT!?
Instead of silently brooding on why.
I should have been telling myself..
Soon.
Very soon I will have all that I want and MORE.
I will replace all those that betrayed me, with far greater people. People I can truly depend on one day.
I foolishly thought I let myself down, but the only thing I did wrong to myself.
Was not allow my true self to emerge.
To AWAKEN.
I decide to embrace my true nature.
And unleash all that is within me. At long last..
One day I will feast (again) at the tables of kings.
And have all my hearts DESIRE.
That is my primary motivation for all of this.
Why stay as I am? When I can be so much more.
Why say, I wish I had that…
When I can say I. WILL. HAVE. THAT.
Maybe the only thing I was missing..
Was the right perspective.
And the will to MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Maybe.
I’m going to get all that I want, I declare that to the universe.
Or die trying.
…
This is the REawakening.
This is a transformation.
This is my evolution.
This is the realization that one day I will be on my death bed.
And when I ponder all my life choices for the very last time.
In my final moments…
I want to be able to say that I did everything I possibly could, that I didn’t hold back.
I want to be able to say I lived a life without fear, and I knew no limits.
They say to live everyday like it’s your last, and thats kind of the mindset that I have adopted.
At the time of this writing I had just recently completed my 34th birthday.
And on that day I vowed that I would not only continue on this positive change, but accelerate it.
I want to live a life that future 85 year old me, will be proud of.
So that I can die a good death, entering Eternity… Feeling content and complete.
There is so much possibility in this world.
It would be a crime, to not at least try to DO IT ALL.
Now is the time to do it.
Now is the time to reach my true POTENTIAL.
…
As I look up to the sky..
I remember another saying:
“The sky’s the limit.”
I never really stopped to ponder that saying.
The sky really has no limit, it just keeps going up into space and into the universe.
People have been into space, the sky is quite literally NOT the limit.
We can ascend so much higher.
Maybe thats the whole point of that saying, the sky’s the limit because the sky has no limit.
Just like we do.
Just like I do.
I’m ready to become more than I have ever been before.
More than I ever thought possible.
We all need a little Introspection.
To show us who we are, and what we can become.
And I’m just getting started.
Would you like to join me together on this journey of REawakening?
Now.
Let’s see what else I am capable of.
